Hello from your fellow voracious expat read, moi! Sometimes I scare myself with how many books I can devour in such a short time, I wonder if there's actually a pathological disorder that involves excessive reading. If you know of it, tell me in the comments. This month, I read these four books which you see above (in addition to a handful of others which I'll save for a later date). Be forewarned, the underlying theme between the books is evident, as I mentioned in a previous post, I'm having a memoir moment. I cannot seem to satiate my need to stand next to the grief of others, for whatever reason, shoulder to shoulder, these stories, these women, strengthen my will to push forward in light of a loss. They are all a testament to the human condition, to facing and overcoming adversity, and to learning to live again. 

Milk and Honey is a book of poems written by , you might remember her now-iconic period leak post that, when removed by the site, launched a thousand opinions and had Kaur respond with, “I will not apologize for not feeding the ego and pride of misogynist society that will have my body in underwear but not be okay with a small leak.”  How right you are Ms. Kaur, I'm proud to call you a compatriot. Milk and Honey needs to be read by all females of our generation for it contains words that paint pictures of a society all too accustomed with turning a blind eye to the themes of violence against women, emotional and physical abuse, sexuality, yet is also an homage to the audacity of the female spirit. 

Next up (top right) is the memoir Beyond the High Blue Air by Lu Spinney. The courageous Spinney tells the story of her beloved son Miles who is left in a minimally-conscious state after a snowboarding accident in Austria and in doing so, tackles some of the most difficult questions that most of us never have to face, including what makes life worth living and what we are willing to do for the people we love in the most tragic of circumstances. I fell in love a little with Miles, I couldn't stop thinking about him, his dark hair, and Spinney's final words in the book: Go for it Miles. Go for it. That should be the voice in all of our heads in front of every risk and every adventure in this life, irreverent towards fear with an insatiable appetite, devouring every last moment given to us. 

Moving to the bottom left, we have Cory Taylor’s memoir Dying, completed just weeks before her death from cancer in July 2016. Taylor was a novelist and screenwriter and her love of the written word comes across in this recollection of her youth, her fears, and her hopes for the family she knew she would soon leave behind. There are musings of euthanasia, more than musings in truth, as Taylor opens the book discussing the lethal drug she has purchased “in case” from a supplier in China. She doesn’t shy away from the taboo, the book a welcome respite for those of us who always wanted to ask the questions but never had the chance. She exudes a kind of strength and tenacity that makes me know that dying took on a worthy adversary in her. 

Last but certainly not least is All at Sea. I didn’t know this before, but the nautical term “all at sea” refers to a state of disorder and confusion, a state that English journalist Decca Aitkenhead was sure to have found herself navigating after the sudden death of her partner, Tony, during a family vacation in Jamaica. Tony Wilkinson drowned saving one of their sons who had wandered into the water and after handing him off to safety, was overpowered by the underlying current. Her memoir takes us through the disintegration of her first marriage and describes the immense opposition she faced when following her heart upon meeting Tony, who was at the time, involved in drug trafficking and was a user himself. She documents their unlikely rise together, hers in the world of journalism and his from the streets to college classrooms and then back to the streets where he worked with at-risk youth. Theirs is a dedication to kindred spirits everywhere.

Would love to know if any of you have read these! Let me know in the comments. You can also buy each book by ​clicking on the book covers above OR by scrolling down, you'll see the Amazon links below! If you do, as an Amazon affiliate, I will receive a small percentage and every little bit helps keep this blog running. 

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Book Buzz: Return to Glow by Chandi Wyant
​Book in Progress: When in French by Lauren Collins​
Book in Progress: Italian Ways by Tim Parks
Book in Progress: Finding Me in France by Bobbi French ​
​Recommended Reads: The Best of Us by Joyce Maynard
Recommended Reads: Come Away With Me by Karma Brown 
Recommended #Italy Reads: At Least You're in Tuscany by Jennifer Criswell
​Recommended Reads: A Zany Slice of Italy by Ivanka Di Felice ​
Recommended ITALIAN Reads: Meglio Soffrire Che Mettere In Un Ripostiglio Il Cuore di Susanna 

BUY THESE BOOKS:

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Happy Monday and welcome to our third couple in the LOVE STORIES series. In case you missed last week's gorgeous Canadian-Italian duo, Lauren and Luigi, you can find them here. Today I'm bringing you back from Abruzzo to ​right here in Bergamo with our first European couple: Jennie and Davide. On a sidenote, apparently these Italian men from Bergamo are mighty charming as they have quite a way with the foreign women! You'll see why I say so next Monday! Must be something good in the POLENTA. Or maybe it's that alluring "Bergamasco" accent...? (If you know what the accent and dialect from Bergamo sounds like, you're laughing right now!). 

Where are you from and where is your significant other from? 
I’m from Heswall, in Northwest England, and Davide is from Dorga, in Castione Della Presolana, Bergamo.  

Where and when did you meet your significant other? 
We met online through Match.com, we were both living in Milan. I was there full-time, and he was commuting during the week!

Who made the first move? 
I made the first move, I liked his profile and he liked mine back! Then he emailed…!

Where did you initially think he was from? 
I knew he was from the mountains as it was on his profile and one of the first things we talked about was our mutual love of the countryside and the fresh air.

What was your first impression of him?
I admit the first thing I liked was his photo, he was square-jawed and handsome with a dazzling smile, I thought he was probably going to be a jerk because he was really good-looking, but when he came to pick me up on our first date he was a total gentleman, super-traditional and he said I looked ‘elegant.’ I noticed right away that he was using vocabulary an Englishman wouldn’t typically, and at 32 years old I was still getting a dating experience that was new to me. It made it really special.

Dish on the first kiss!
Our first kiss was at the end of our first date on an August evening, he picked me up and took me for a drink at Navigli, on the way home I made my move! But it was awkward! I honestly didn't know how much we had in common 'or' if he liked me. He's very extreme; been in the military, and he's heavily into BASE jumping, wing suiting, skydiving...whereas I can't get past one rung of a ladder! I wasn't convinced love was on the cards but the next morning I woke up to a text saying he woke up thinking about me!

​Our second date was extremely intimate, he'd planned to take me to an Italian restaurant for dinner, very quiet, beautiful, only the owner playing the piano and bringing out special treats for us to help love along the way! We relaxed, got talking and hit it off, and the second kiss totally made up for it. We often laugh about it because as I began to get out of the car he pulled me back in so I was half out of the car half in it...both my feet on the pavement with all people walking past! We must have kissed like that for about 10 minutes! We couldn't stop! I felt giddy like I was 17 again! 

Where do you live now? 
After 2 weeks of dating in Milan he said we could go to England to meet my family if I wanted, and I was bowled over! He told me his dream was to live in Bergamo and he showed me the city a couple of weeks later. It was open, mountainous and picturesque like a storybook. The city was architecturally and historically beautiful and the air was clean and it was quieter, less people. I saw more of the sky in Bergamo than in Milan and it reminded me of home. After 2 months, I returned to England very abruptly, and he was in shock helping me to pack my things. He said he would move to my country for me even though it had never been a dream of his. To me that was one hell of a statement. He was so sure of what he wanted and I’d never had that commitment from a guy before. Especially to ‘move’ somewhere for me!
 
For two months we were in separate countries figuring out a plan. I told him I wasn’t leaving ‘him’, but I just didn’t like my life there anymore, and that I was committed to him too.  We Skyped daily. It felt like we were in it together and I put everything into finding a job for both of us, in both countries, so did he. Within weeks I found a job opportunity in Bergamo and couldn’t wait to tell him. He immediately started to look for apartments for me and he was picking ones that he knew I would like. While we were looking he said he had been thinking, and that now ‘he’ wanted to move out from home and also be in the apartment with me, I was so happy but played it cool as I didn’t want to be disappointed if he didn’t mean it. It became clear with his fast actions and overseeing everything that we were indeed deciding and choosing our home together. He took care of everything.
 
About 2 weeks later we moved in together. Now we share an apartment in Bergamo and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. It just works. 

Have you learnt each other’s languages? 
I am learning Italian and Davide speaks English fluently as he studied it in high school and again at Aviation school. 

Any advice to “mixed” culture couples or couples doing long-distance? 
Long distance is on a time limit, you know after so long things can change, and will. That’s why I literally worked day and night around the clock to secure our future and get us back together. I wanted to make things right, and put my cards on the table like he did.. Luckily for us, it’s worked out perfectly.

Submitted by Jennie. 

A huge, heartfelt thanks to Jennie and Davide for sharing their love story with us.
​Vi auguro tante belle cose. xoxo

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
​Open Call for Reader Submissions: I'm Looking for Your Love Stories
​LOVE STORIES by Questa Dolce Vita: Maddie & Gio
​LOVE STORIES by Questa Dolce Vita: Lauren & Luigi
​The Red String Theory
​Can Men and Women Be Friends? Here's How My Italian Colleagues Responded
​
​For a bite-size snack of make-believe romance, read these short stories:
​Creative Writing: Rooftops and Rome
​Creative Writing: The Morning After in New York

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The biggest problem about my blog format is that I don't have that fun, automated "Related Posts" feature that pulls old posts and suggests them to readers. Unfortunately the platform I use (for the technologically-impaired), doesn't have that option so I've started to manually do it. Today, I actually went through my entire blog from the latest post all the way back to the very first post: The Backstory. In doing so, I stumbled upon so many great posts that basically never get to see the light of day which is extremely unfortunate seeing as I had some fun content, even when I had about 2 views of my blog per month, 1 view which was my mother. For this reason, I'm going to do this "blast from the past" of oldies but goodies. I found so many that I love so I'll probably do this in several posts. Here are the first TEN that made me smile, hope you enjoy these! 

1. Why Learning Italian Made Me Appreciate My Grandparents

Snippet from this post:

The other day, I went to lunch with my grandma at our favourite noodle house in the city and I watched with glowing pride as she shakily wrote out our order in the Chinese characters, so intricate that they make English look like primitive caveman writing. 

The fact that my grandparents and parents are bilingual (and trilingual) never crossed my mind in the past and it was surely not something I looked upon with admiration or pride. Only now can I appreciate what a feat this is. Only now are their accents enduring, sweet little reminders of how far they've come, how far we've come. I will try to remind myself of this every time I feel embarrassed or ashamed of my North American accent in Italian, my inherent inability to roll my Rs will now be my battle scar or better yet, my victory flag dancing in the wind.

​2. The Unofficial List of Household and Clothing Items You Never Knew You Needed Until You've Lived in Italy.

Snippet from this post:

1. The bidet- ah, instant freshness and assurance you won't go the whole day with pieces of toilet paper (or worse) stuck to your backside. 
2. Chilly Gel- see previous post all about this glorious invention. 
3. Bathrobes- while they exist back home, I never used one habitually but the Italians love them and will use them post-shower in place of a towel which I find slightly annoying because I can't wring out my hair properly with one. 
4. A food scale- necessary because the recipes here don't use cups and tsp, so you have the great pleasure of weighing each and every ingredient. 
5. Collared shirts under sweaters- Italian men might be allergic to wool or have a phobia of sweater to skin contact because anytime they wear anything resembling a sweater, a collared shirt must go under it.

3. How to find your way back to the basics? Move to Italy.

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Italy helps me get back to the basics and I think I love her for that reason alone. In Canada, I had a personal trainer. In Italy, the hills and valleys dotted with vineyards is my gym. In many ways, that says it all. Here, you don't have to spend $50 minimum for an excellent bottle of wine (as often is the case on the other side of the pond), in fact €5 can get you a pretty darn good wine and you can even enjoy it whilst drinking in an equally impressive view (because drinking in public is allowed, yipee!). Most times, I am happiest with a view like the one above- a plate with warm bread and a milky ball of just-made mozzarella. So I think Leonardo had it right saying simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication, although for some of us, it takes changing countries to realize it. 

4. Sh*t my Italian friends say

​Snippet from this post:

"Look guys, a squirtle!" 
English translation: Look guys, a squirrel. 
Commentary: So in Italian, squirrel is scoiattolo. But somehow, the combination became a Pokemon. 

"Do you have a rubber?" 
English translation: Do you have an eraser? 
Commentary: Depending on where you are in the world, a rubber can be one of two things...

"Don't worry, I'll finger it out."
English translation: Don't worry, I'll figure it out. 
Commentary: It's probably not wise to tell anyone that you are going to finger something. 

5.​Second-language Personalities
​
​Snippet from this post:

I have an Italian personality. 

In Italian, I am fairly certain I come across as an dumb, ill mannered snob...!

I say dumb because when you learn a second language, even after four years of University grammar, the biggest component you lack is vocabulary. This is because vocabulary is built on actually being in situations or conversations. You can read textbooks and see the same word over and over but it will never stick until you have to use it. Therefore I lack the expanse of vocabulary that I have in English. And as a lover of the power of language, I feel especially dumb when not knowing the word for something. In English, I'm a thesaurus. In Italian, I find myself pointing and saying quella cosa lì (that thing there), come si chiama (what's it called), and questo qui (this here) alot.

6. Sh*t my mom says in Italy ​

Snippet from this post:

"How do you use this thing, every time I try, the water sprays everywhere except where it's supposed to!" - my mom referring to the bidet.

7. Throwback Thursday: Quintessential Italy

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​
Ah the moment you stumble upon a deserted alley in the midst of the tourist hustle-and-bustle...the world just stops and you are suddenly transported to a simpler time. The chatter of a dozen languages fades away and all you hear is the gentle breeze and the rustle of fresh laundry drying. 

8. advice for expats- learn to celebrate small daily victories. ​

Snippet from this post:

​One thing that is nice about being an expat anywhere in the world is that you get to give yourself a hypothetical pat on the back (or celebratory glass of wine)  for just about any minuscule accomplishment during your day. What I mean is that at the beginning, you get to be justly and superfluously happy for achieving a small victory of daily life such as taking the bus without ending up in the outskirts of town or ordering your coffee and having it arrive exactly the way you actually wanted it.

9. Top 10 Things About Living in Italy that I'm Not Used To (Yet)

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There are a million aspects of life that change dramatically when you move to a new country. Here's a few that I come face to face with every day that still catch me off guard. 

1. Having to "close up" the house at night. Italian houses all have these heavy wooden enclosures on the outside of the actual glass window that must be opened and closed every day. I keep forgetting to close them and Massi freaks out every morning thanking the Lord we weren't robbed or murdered in the night. 

10. Re: How to Dress Like An Italian Man
​
Snippet from this post:

​Condé Nast Traveller recently did a slideshow on How to Dress Like An Italian Man, find it here. And while I very much enjoy any how-to-dress-like-blank features, I had a few disagreements with this particular article. I suppose I am not an Italian man so perhaps I have no right to disagree in the first place, but having been very much associated with one for quite awhile, I feel like I have a bit of an insider approach to the whole concept. First off, the author states 'it starts with an unconstructed, unlined blazer or suit, which exudes a vibe of rumpled nonchalance.' Wait, what. Rumpled? RUMPLED?! That word should not even be whispered around an Italian man, nevertheless used in an article talking about how to dress like one.


Which one was your favorite? Let me know in the comments and stay tuned for more personally-selected posts from the archives! 


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Let me first start off saying this might get messy. This topic tends to bring up very different opinions on the matter and I just want to say that both are correct. When Lauren Collins, writer for The New Yorker, fell in love with a Frenchman, their relationship was monolingual. They spoke English to each other, as do many mixed couples. In fact, it’s funny that French and Italian are often cited as the languages of love because based on all the international love stories I’ve come to know, I’d say English has been overlooked. None of these relationships would exist were it not for a somewhat-formed backbone of English, so often harped upon for not being as sexy as Italian or as intellectual as German. So while many couples are created on English, how many actually go on to reciprocally learn each other’s language? We might ask ourselves another question here which is: is it necessary? If both people speak a common language to a certain level of fluency, is there an urgent, specific need to add more to the mix? Collins’s husband is quoted in the book as saying “speaking to you in English is like touching you with gloves”. This is quite the statement. It essentially implies that without speaking our partner’s native language, we are somewhat limited to understanding not only the person we have in front of us, but the relationship as a whole. I have to disclose that I bat for Lauren’s team. I started studying my husband’s native tongue, Italian, nine years ago and haven’t stopped since. We live a fairly bilingual existence in Italy where we make a conscious (to answer your question, yes it gets annoying at times) effort to switch languages and give both English and Italian a chance during the day. Our cat understands Italian and English, though I think his Italian is probably stronger.  While the years have gone by and it’s hard to think back to the beginning, I can’t imagine what it would be like to not know Italian. On a pure relationship-level, knowing Italian has brought us to a fairer playing field. We each get to take an intellectual swing at things and since intelligence, to me, is extremely sexy, I find myself particularly turned on when my husband uses American slang properly or remembers that future tense cannot be used after a time clause. I think the feeling is reciprocal. I’ve always known my husband was smart but when I hear him speak formally in Italian, I know it even more. In Italian, he’s just a bit wittier, a bit cruder, a bit more vulgar, a bit more romantic, a bit more of a smart ass. In Italian, he’s just a bit more him and it’s that little bit that I’d be missing out on if I hadn’t ventured into Italian. His terms of endearment for me and pet names are all in Italian, mine for him are in English. Make what you will of that. The point is, I do think you’re missing out on something by not sharing your partner’s native tongue. It might be something so small that you can’t even put a finger on it.

Here’s a very quick example of something that I’ve discovered between Italian and English:
​
In Italian, there is the futuro semplice. In English, we technically have three forms of expressing future (not counting Future Progressive or the Perfect tenses): will + verb, going to + verb, and Present Progressive used to talk about near future plans. When I teach Italians about the differences in using Future tenses in English, I find that the greatest struggle is that Italians can’t wrap their heads around the cultural and linguistic difference in knowing something will happen for sure (a plan, or having the intention) and if it’s just a thought, a happy hope but not guaranteed. In English, if we plan to see a movie with friends, we say “I’m going to see a movie with friends” and not “I will go see a movie with friends”. Italians always struggle with why to choose the former over the latter. In many ways, I think it might also be a cultural thing. Nothing is certain, what if something better comes up? Non-committal has my husband’s name next to it in the dictionary but knowing Italian makes me more understanding of his very nature. English asks someone “will you marry me?” while Italian asks “mi vuoi sposare?”. Isn’t that intriguing? English wants to know your future action, Italian wants to know if you want something at that moment of asking. Future vs. Want. Promise vs. Desire. A subtle difference owed to language and culture.

​In conclusion, well, there isn’t really one. That being said,  I’d love to hear your own experiences and opinions on this topic. Write me in comments or on the ! 

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
​Book in Progress: When in French by Lauren Collins
​How to Fight and Make Love in Two Languages
​My Hypothetical Italian Teenagers Won't Have Varsity Jackets or Homecomings
​My Canadian Identity Abroad in Italy: The Conundrum
FIVE Ways I've Become More ITALIAN in Canada
​Annoying Things Non-Canadians Say About Canada 
​Two Sides of the Italy Coin 
​Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
​The Most Difficult Thing You’ll Face as an Expat: Having a Sick Family Member Back Home
​Daily Things I Never Did Before Moving to Italy

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Happy Monday and welcome back to our second installment in the LOVE STORIES series. There has been a lot of positive feedback on this idea so my hope is to be able to keep this a weekly post (I can change this to bi-weekly or monthly if the number of stories I have in my hands dwindles at any point). So let's agree for now that every Monday when you wake up, come on over and start your day with something sweet to go with your morning coffee! Today I have Lauren and Luigi and I'm sure you will fall in love with how they fell in love in Italy's unspoiled heart: Abruzzo. 

Where are you from and where is your significant other from? 
I am from Lindsay ON, Canada and my love is from Chieti CH, Italy (located in the region of Abruzzo). 

Where and when did you meet your significant other? 
Luigi and I met in his hometown of Chieti one beautiful summer night in June of 2014. It was a birthday party for a common friend; we then connected again the night after at yet another birthday party (on the Adriatic) where I glommed on to Luigi because no one else spoke English. He was seeing someone at the time, but I really wanted to be friends, he seemed like one cool dude. I broke the ice by asking (jokingly) if his brother’s name was Mario, and lo and behold, it was! No joke! 

Who made the first move? 
I did, of course! You want something, you gotta go get it! (He was no longer dating this other person, I prefer not to ruin relationships) Shall I set the scene for you? My host had left me the house while she was doing business abroad. A fellow au pair from America and I spent a couple of days together but she had to get back to her family. This was a Sunday, Sundays are pretty quiet in little Italian towns. Most people have either left for the countryside or are inside watching a match with the blinds drawn. Luigi and I had been spending quite a lot of time together by that point so I messaged him and asked about what people do on Sunday, as I suspected, not much. He told me he’d come over and we’d watch Avatar and A History of Violence (which he had no idea had been filmed 20mins from where I lived in Canada, I took him there last summer). Long story short, I made my move! I had no idea what I was doing, I would be leaving for the UK with my host family in a week and then back to Canada. But we figured it out and made it work. We’ve been joined at the hip ever since! 

Where did you initially think he was from? 
This is a good question because Luigi definitely does not look like your typical Italian. Not in my mind, anyway. Obviously I knew he was Italian when I met him, but if I’d just seem him and had no context to him, I would have fathomed a guess that he was from a more Northern European country. At the local mall, there are local women and men trying to sell us internet/TV packages etc. We speak English when we pass them and Luigi says, “I’m sorry, I don’t speak Italian, sono canadese (I am Canadian)” and they don’t suspect a thing! 

What was your first impression of him? 
My first impression of Luigi was that he was gentle, genuine and intelligent (just to name a few). And if we’re talking esthetically, I was attracted to him. Actually, it was quite funny because I found myself being very attracted to Luigi at this beach party where he was donning a tropical sarong, leather sandals and a polo shirt, such an odd mix, but it was sexy!  He’s really the whole package.  

Where do you live now? 
Currently, I am living in Peterborough, a small city in Ontario. Luigi is back in Chieti. Unfortunately, we are all too familiar with the whole long distance dance. But at the end of the day, we both try to see our time apart as time we can grow independently. I love being in a relationship, but I also thrive on my own. Although difficult, it’s been a very healthy experience.  (Our 3-year anniversary was in August and unfortunately nearly a year of that was been spent apart from each other, not all at once.)

Have you learnt each other’s languages? 
When I met Luigi, his knowledge of English was quite comprehensive. After being together for 3 years and speaking primarily in English, his English is nearly perfect! Remember in school when people would say that we all learn differently and at different speeds? I learn differently and at a different speed and therefore I am still learning a lot about the Italian language day to day. But just in the last month, I’ve felt more confident with my knowledge of Italian than I have up to this point! 

Any advice to “mixed” culture couples or couples doing long-distance? 
Luigi taught me this and maybe it sounds too simple but where there is love, you can succeed. This whole wild ride is just that, a wild ride, if you love someone and they’re your person, flight for the right to be together! Also going into your situation with the knowledge that nothing is permanent, things change, people change, situations change, embrace it! 
​
Submitted by Lauren. 

Here's how you can connect with Lauren and Luigi:
Blog:
Twitter:
Instagram:
Facebook:
Other:

A huge, heartfelt thanks to Lauren and Luigi for sharing their love story with us.
​Vi auguro tante belle cose. xoxo

Perhaps in reading these features, you'll want to know more about my husband and I. Here's a fun post from way back to read where you'll find out all the "random coincidences" that brought us together on many different occassions throughout time: The Red String Theory. Would love to know if you believe in soul mates after reading it! For just a little more sweetness, you can read a short love letter that I wrote to him when we were apart. Cue the "awwww" backtrack.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
​LOVE STORIES by Questa Dolce Vita: Maddie & Gio
​Can Men and Women Be Friends? Here's How My Italian Colleagues Responded
​Open Call for Reader Submissions: I'm Looking for Your Love Stories
​That other time we were in the paper reminded me how lucky we are-
​Creative Writing: Rooftops and Rome
Be in the Present. ​
​On Airports and Love
a sign/un segno.
Happy Hearts.
​
​And let's be honest, you'll love these ones too:
​an excerpt from: Staying is Settling by Lauren Martin
A Tale of Two Cities: Bergamo and Edmonton
​Creative Writing: The Morning After in New York
​International Love Stories: A Tall, Dark, and Handsome Spaniard
International Love Stories ​
​LA LEGGENDA DEL FILO ROSSO.

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​Yesterday night I went out in Bergamo for an aperitivo with an American friend. When we meet, we only ever speak in Italian. Bizarre, I know, but anyways there we were: a strawberry blonde American and a raven-haired Canadian, sipping on a Spritz and a Bloody Mary. Next to us was a young Italian, blue-eyed and probably in his twenties, chatting up a platinum blonde who I could only guess was either Swedish or German. The two of them, no more than 5 inches away from us, were speaking in heavily accented English to one another. It was the cutest thing, watching him reel her in with my mother tongue. I'm weird, I know, but sometimes I think about how many love stories have been strung together by this lingua franca. To our right, there was a table of tourists from Poland, ordering in English, speaking in Polish and I noticed one fellow staring at us the entire evening. I honestly think he was trying to figure out what language we were speaking with our non-Italian accents and non-Italian looks. It was quite a funny scene, lingustically-speaking. Aren’t languages wonderful? 

​If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
​A Day in the Life: Someone Who Will Learn Italian versus Someone Who Won't (A 12-Hour Comparison of How to Effectively Use Your Time)
An Open Letter to Native Speakers of the Language I'm Learning
The English Stare and Getting "Englished" Living Abroad and How To Deal
What I'm Really Thinking While Speaking Italian as a Second Language
Taking Risks in Language Learning
Language Burnout
The Gift of Language: Italian and Beyond
The Neverending Story of Learning Italian
Living in Italy, Speaking in English 
Parli Italiano? 
​How to Keep Learning Italian in Italy

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​​Unknowingly a couple days ago amidst the Weinstein-triggered #metoo social media explosion, I posted “American Girl in Italy”, the iconic photograph by Ruth Orkin (below) showing her friend walking down a street in Florence, much to the apparent delight of the men. The photograph was originally captioned as such:

"Public admiration ... shouldn't fluster you. Ogling the ladies is a popular, harmless and flattering pastime you'll run into in many foreign countries. The gentlemen are usually louder and more demonstrative than American men, but they mean no harm."
​

It’s in stark contrast  to what much of womankind would say today…or is it? received a ton of comments that seemed to land on either side of the spectrum with some women claiming they love the attention and others considering it harassment.

While I tried to stay diplomatic in my responses, I couldn’t help but ask myself how I felt about the issue. I started reading what was already out there including this article by Tess Conciatori for ELITE entitled “Living with Italian Street Harassment” where she takes a firm stance, writing:

“Street harassment is not flattering or complimentary.“Ciao bella” by a man walking nearby does not make me feel beautiful or valued. I feel harassed and uncomfortable, like I can't wear sleeveless shirts on a warm day, get blonde highlights in my hair or walk freely from my apartment to class in the morning.”

To this, I found myself nodding in agreement. No woman should be made to feel harassed or uncomfortable. But then I think back to some of my readers’ comments saying they love coming to Italy specifically for the “ciao bellas” and the male attention. I can only assume that they feel the opposite of uncomfortable in this case. Veronica, also known as The Sicilian Housewife, wrote a humorous, tongue-in-cheek commentary a few years back that addressed some of these common issues in her blog post “Single Woman in Italy? The Sicilian Housewife’s Guide to Italian Men”. One section that struck me was what she had to say about compliments from men:

“Italian culture is very beauty-oriented. Children get art appreciation lessons at school from the age of six. While courting you, Italian men are likely to tell you your eyes look like two stars that just fell from heaven, and that your beauty is so uplifting it has actually increased their IQ.

They are not saying these things because they think it will get you into bed. Italians will never say you’re beautiful if they don’t really think it: they can be brutally honest. They expect you to take compliments with self-confident poise, like an Italian woman.”

To this, I find myself nodding as well. I am complimented all the time by the Italians, whether it’s a colleague or someone on the street. Do I like it? Yes. Does that make me an anti-feminist or pitch me against Tess in some way or against all the other women that don't appreciate the attention? I have absolutely no idea, but I hope the answer is no. Since I have no answers, here’s my personal experience after three years living and working in Italy and nine years with my Italian husband, including all the time spent with his friends: I get attention on the streets in Italy, the typical comments that most foreign women have heard or Italian men asking where I’m from. I’ve been complimented by men whilst alone and also while in the company of my husband, they usually laugh about it together and we laugh about it after. I've been given drinks “on the house”, and just generally been stared at. I've turned down offers and I've said "grazie" and meant it. I kiss the men I know three times on their cheeks, we get right up into each other's personal space, at any moment if someone leaned the wrong way, it would be lips to lips. We even do it twice, when we meet and when we say goodbye. At work, my male colleagues will give me the once over and then tell me they like my new shoes or that they love the color I’m wearing. But contrary to some women and yet in agreement with others, absolutely none of these these things has made me feel the least bit unsafe or uncomfortable. I’ve had far worse experiences in North America than in Italy and sometimes I wonder if there is a double standard or if has something to do with Italy and the Italians. Actually, correction, it's a combination of both: there most certainly is a double standard but a history with an Italian man and with the language and the culture has given me a different perspective on the issue. 

And it's not just me with this perspective. Here are some interesting, REAL comments in favor of the way things are in Italy, taken from The Sicilian Housewife’s post:

​You actually make this sound pretty alluring. I am so tempted to fly to Italy (again; last time I was with a boyfriend) and experience some of that, um…hospitality… for myself.

I wish American men would realize the tremendous appeal of being called “Cara”.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, because foreign women (including me) come to a lot of conclusions about Italian men which are wrong, just because the culture and rules are different. If they understand how it works here I think they can relax and enjoy the sweetness of Italian men!

Hilarious! And sounds like nearly every Italian I know – though I still love them for it. Cheeky chappies that they are.

I’ve always loved Italian men and their compliments. Never understood why many women were soooo offended. Course the older I get the less it happens so don’t have to worry about it. LOL Fun read. I’ve always said, need a bit of attention? Go to Italy! I can’t wait to visit again – this year! whoopee!
​

These comments I selected are certainly a far cry from compaints which brings to mind some questions like: Are the Italians more tactful? Is it a language barrier or just the allure of foreign language? Or is it looks-based? Are the Italian men hotter in general and so that makes it acceptable?

If Italian men looking like Alessandro Dellisola (left) or Mariano Di Vaio (right) followed you on the streets of Florence, would most of us feel scared or would we feel flattered? I know how I would feel but I'm curious about you, if you're reading this. Furthermore, if this is acceptable to some of us, the question becomes where to draw the line. It doesn't seem logical to smile when Alessandro says “ciao bella” but complain when Bob the construction worker says “hey baby”. This has an interesting tie-in to the fact that I'm currently curating love stories, many which are between non-Italian women and Italian men. With so much rampant sexism in Italy, femincide, and objectification of women, and claims that, in general, Italian men come on too strong, isn't it interesting to ponder why so many foreigners like me fell for them in the first place? Head-scratching. 

Again, as I often do, I’ve really made no precise conclusion in this post. More so, I’m looking for your opinions, experience, and feedback. ​Let me know your thoughts.  

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I am beyond excited to present the inaugural couple for my newest blog series: LOVE STORIES by Questa Dolce Vita. In case you missed the previous post on what it's all about, you can read about it and find out how to be featured here. I hope that reading these love stories warms your heart and makes you smile today or any day that you need it. May they be a testament to the power of love in the face of challenges like distance, language, and cultural differences. So without further adieu, let's meet Maddie and Gio!

Where are you from and where is your significant other from?
I am from Vancouver, Canada, and Gio is from Caserta, Italy. Since we met in 2010, we have lived together in: Leuven, Caserta, Montreal, Vancouver and have finally settled in Calgary. Phew!

Where and when did you meet your significant other?
Gio and I met while we were on exchange in Leuven, Belgium. Gio was on exchange from Federico II in Napoli, and I was on exchange from UBC in Vancouver. Gio and his roommate in Belgium (another Napolitano) decided to cook pasta for literally all the exchange students who wanted dinner. It ended up being 20+ kg of pasta, and a whole bunch of new friends! I was living in a different residence all together, but as a typical undergraduate, I caught wind of free food and new friends and made my way over to the dinner. Best decision of my life.

Who made the first move?
In true Italian style, definitely Gio. But, it needed to be that way. I had gone through a tough breakup one year before I met Gio. When I went on exchange, I was finally feeling grounded and like I didn't "need a man." I had wholly intended to spend my exchange getting back to myself and actually enjoying being single. Well, life had other plans. His name was Gio and he had an agenda not to let me enjoy being single at all!

The aforementioned epic pasta dinner was around February 3. By February 13, on the eve between two new friends' birthdays, we had our first kiss in a smoke-filled Belgian nightclub-by-night, cafe/restaurant-by-day. I've been hooked ever since.

Where did you initially think he was from?
We were both foreigners when we first met, neither of us being Belgian! Given the amount of pasta being cooked the night we met, it was pretty obvious that he was Italian.

What was your first impression of him?
I thought Gio was a complete clown. He was wearing an absurd sweatshirt that he and his roommate had made the week prior that said, "Why lie? I need a beer!" It really made no sense, even though the English was technically correct. I still don't quite get it, and it still makes me laugh!

While both Gio and I are pretty goofy when we're together, I wouldn't really classify him nowadays as a "clown." He is a distinguished academic and professor of chemical engineering, who studies polymers and more efficient drug delivery systems (among other things!)

I was also completely taken aback by how direct Gio was with his feelings. This was a combination of having less-than-perfect English (which forces one to be direct) and him being Italian. I remember getting a text from him one night asking me what I was doing that evening. I wrote back saying something like, "I am tired, so I am just going to watch a movie. I will see you tomorrow because I am sure you want to be out enjoying the city with the others!" and he wrote back saying, "No, I want to be with you. You are the only one I care about here, I will come watch a movie with you."

I was floored. I could not fathom receiving such a direct communication of emotions from any of my previous Canadian boyfriends. It was beyond refreshing to not have to interpret what someone was feeling and second guess everything. I loved it, and still do.

Where do you live now?
We live in Calgary, Alberta in Canada. We never thought or intended to end up here, but here we are! With Gio being an academic, and me working in academic administration, we had to be open to where the opportunities are. It just so happened two perfect positions opened at UCalgary last spring, just calling our names. We're very happy with our new city and life as newlyweds and new homeowners! We've also become outdoorsy and take full advantage of our Rocky Mountain backyard. We manage to go to Vancouver 2-3 times a year, and we go to Italy 1-2 times a year, to see family and friends. ​

Have you learnt each other’s languages?
​Yep, si! Gio's English was pretty hilarious when we first met (re: that quote on the sweatshirt) but by the time our university exchange was over he was already much more fluent. We've lived in Canada since 2012, he did his PhD here and now works in Canada, so he's nice and fluent.

We lived in Italy in 2011. I took several university-level Italian courses to bulk up my language skills before I moved, which was a very strategic move. Gio's parents and nonna didn't speak English, so I had to learn FAST when I was there. I also took intensive classes.

Now that we live in Canada, we speak English 80% of the time. I'd love to speak it more, but since I didn't speak Italian until a year into our relationship, English has always been dominant. When we lived in Montreal, we spoke French, too. We don't know many Italians in Calgary, but we used to have more of an Italian social life in Montreal. If you're an Italian in Calgary, get in touch per piacere!

Any advice to “mixed” culture couples or couples doing long-distance?
Stop doing long distance and pick a side, ASAP. Gio and I only did 8 months of long distance, and that was more than enough. I still hate going on Skype because it gives me nightmares of that time in our relationship when we were speaking over a screen. Having an end date to the long-distance was crucial for us.

If you aren't doing long distance anymore, make sure that you are helping the foreign partner integrate as best you can into the country. This means making friends, getting involved in the community and facilitating your partner going back home as much as they need, to feel good. Try to facilitate their family and friends coming to visit as much as possible, too.

A huge, heartfelt thanks to Maddie and Gio for sharing their love story with us.
​Vi auguro tante belle cose. xoxo

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​It was sometime in summer, let’s call it a midsummer’s night and Rome was suffocating with the kind of heat that emanates from the city, from every single cobblestone and ruin, after a long, hot day of pure sunshine. It’s that season when everyone and everything in the city is a little more provocative- the hemlines rise, shoulders and collarbones are exposed to the night air, hair is let down and then gathered back up, and imaginations run rampant. Rome will do things to you like call at midnight to dance on rooftops. And you’d have to politely decline at first, that’s what ladies do.  But you’ll already be thinking of that red dress, backless and hanging with great expectations, and how perfect it would go with his eyes. You resist. It’s late and you should really be up early the next day. Things to check off lists and all that. But then the Roman accent is persuasive, not by force but by nature, and it doesn’t take long before you’re whispering “arrivo” and slipping out the door, through the night, and thinking about those few seconds when you shiver, not from the air but from where his lips were. They say Rome is meant to be lived on rooftops. I think it’s meant to be lived in the in-between, the dash, the dot, dot, dot… like those moments right before you see each other across the lit piazza when the tension and anticipation is so high that all you can hear is the sound of your own heartbeat and the voices of all your friends back home asking how could you possibly fall for him. Italian, from Rome, and far too gorgeous for monogamy, isn’t that how they are? Maybe. You feel his eyes on you before you actually see him, on your back and the nape of your neck. It’s just for tonight, just for this summer you’ll tell yourself, as you turn around. 

Note:

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HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE! One thing I love about blogging is how is makes the world so much smaller, allowing people with similar passions to connect who might live across the ocean from each other. That's the case for today's collaborative post with Domenic, a 22 year old Italian-American, who grew up in Wisconsin, has since studied abroad in Milan, and recently started a travel, language, and lifestyle blog called Day by Dom. We decided to interview each other, highlighting differences between the "Italy Experience" of an expat vs. an exchange student (as well as some fun male vs. female perspectives on Italians and life in Italy!). Read his side of the interview below: 


Tell me about yourself: who you are, where you’re from, your experience in Italy, etc.
My name is Domenic (I also go by Dom), I’m 22 years old, and I grew up in Kenosha, WI (halfway between Milwaukee and Chicago). I’m Italian-American. I went to school at Marquette University in Milwaukee where I majored in International Business and Marketing, with a minor in Italian Studies. My Spring semester junior year (2016) I continued my studies at Università Cattolica del Sacro Cuore in Milan. While in Milan, I blogged for my university. Before studying in Italy, I was fortunate enough to visit three times before that, twice with family (to visit family I have in Calabria) and once with my high school.

How did you learn about my blog, Questa Dolce Vita?
Honestly, I was just poking around the internet searching for different blogs about travel and Italy. I stumbled upon Questa Dolce Vita by chance and really liked your content!

Why did you start your site and what is it about?
I decided to start Day By Dom in May 2017 for a few reasons. I took a digital marketing class in college and thought that the whole concept of running your own website was pretty cool. I also use it for networking purposes. On the other hand, I had a good amount of reverse culture shock coming back from Italy, so I started this as an outlet for my travels, tips, and thoughts.

What is your background with the Italian language?
I grew up in an Italian-American family, where many of my family members spoke the Calabrese dialect of Italian. Unfortunately, I grew up a monolingual English speaker. So, I studied Italian in high school, college (both in America and Italy), and continue to do so on my own. I can speak/read/write it at a near B2 level, but it starts to slip if I don’t use it much!

Seeing as you’re back in the US, how do you keep your Italian “trained” on a day-to-day basis? 
While I was in Italy, I was studying for an Italian exam and was not understanding congiuntivo for the life of me (I think all foreign speakers of Italian can relate to this). This is when I discovered Learn Italian With Lucrezia, who helped me understand this for my exam. I use her YouTube channel along with a few others to hear Italian on a pretty regular basis, and have become a huge proponent of learning languages (or anything) on a platform like YouTube. 

What surprised you the most about life in Italy as a student? 
Students in Italy are pretty easy to mesh with. I found students, both international and Italian, very easy to talk to in between classes and much more “chill” about enjoying life despite being a student. In America, we fall into this really easy trap of “school is hard and I’m busy” where we don’t make time to hang out for a few minutes. It’s pretty common to be an American student at an Italian university for a semester, and in general I felt very accepted. A few of my friends even called me “American boy,” but in a super endearing way! 

Comment on what it was like being an American boy in Italy, did it make you more popular with the local ladies at all? 
Haha, good question! I’ll have to say, introducing myself in perfect English then launching into decent Italian was a good icebreaker! People could obviously tell I was American, but I also have super Italian features: black, curly hair, average height, and eventually, a more Italian way of dressing. So, I felt pretty comfortable fitting in in Milan. 

Any particular feelings about being a male blogging about Italy (quite a female-dominant niche at the moment)? 
Honestly, I never really thought of it in that way. I like that I’m crossing boundaries a bit. I believe experiences in Italy can be enjoyed and written about in the same way by both males and females, and I’m glad that I am doing it. 

American girls vs. Italian girls? Any notable positive differences on each side? 
I think American girls are in usually genuinely kind, but I think that stems from American culture in general. It’s not that Italian girls are unkind, but American girls are more outwardly nice. Italian girls (to me) seemed very comfortable in their own skin, and I find that really admirable. They give off a sense of confidence. Looks wise, Italians always beat us. I know that won’t offend because we as Americans admit to that. :)
​

​
​Thanks for this awesome collab Dom, looking forward to your future posts! 

Want to know what questions Dom asked me?
Head over to his blog Day by Dom and find out! 

To follow Domenic on social media, check out his  and . 


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