Do you ever get language burnout? This is burnout from working too much on learning a language, treating it more like a job and obligation than a hobby or passion. I know this affects a lot of people and this post is to show you you’re not alone. I’m going to be completely honest and say that I rarely get this. I chock it up to the fact that I’m a self-proclaimed nerd and I adore language learning. In my spare time, when I’m not at G.A.G class (Gambe-Addome-Glutei aka Butt, Abs, Legs), or making fun of “gag” class with native English speakers, I love nothing more than to work on my . I started mine April 3rd and if you haven’t heard of this, I highly recommend it, click on the hyperlink or the photo below to head over and check it out! When I’m not doing any specific challenges, you can usually find me in my cozy reading chair that I secretly bought while my husband was away on business, reading an Italian book on my Kindle and highlighting vocabulary like a crazy person. I’m currently reading “La Moglie Americana”, which was originally an English book I believe. I know, I’m giving you anxiety right now but I’m actually here to say that you don’t need to be a victim of language burnout.

I’m a full believer that language learning doesn’t have to be stressful, the key is directing your efforts to things you are passionate about. If you love watching TV, that’s fine, just tune-in to Pretty Little Liars in Italian. Or, if you’re not quite there yet, mix it up with subtitles and audio. There’s so many different combinations you can use depending on your level: English audio with Italian subtitles, Italian audio with English subtitles, Italian audio with Italian subtitles, Italian audio with no subtitles…that more or less takes you from A1 to C1 level, just using our good friend Netflix. Don’t overdo it either. Designate even just 20 minutes a day to language learning efforts, do you know how quick 20 minutes go by? Then after that, give yourself and break and let yourself speak guilt-free in your mother tongue, listen to English music or watch your favorite movie. I think some of us can be too hard on ourselves and constantly let the thought “I should be studying Italian right now…” creep into our heads at 5-minute intervals.

If you’re lucky enough to be in the country of the language you’re learning, just do something as simple as go to the grocery store and eavesdrop on your fellow shoppers. This is a fun, guilty-pleasure of mine but it’s a language learning opportunity as well. The key is you have to ACTIVELY LISTEN. This is quite different from going about your grocery shopping and blocking out the world which is what a lot of us do. Actively listen (eavesdrop!) on everyone and have secret conversations with them in your head. Don’t respond to them out loud though, remember that I’m not liable if they call the local mental hospital and drag you away or if you end up having to fend off that cute Italian boy in the fruits and veggies section with a carrot.

Another thing that some of my expat friends and I have created is a Whatsapp group called “SOLO ITALIANO” where, you guessed it, we write and leave voice messages to each other, IN ITALIAN ONLY. We try to help each other with corrections but for the most part, it’s an idea to just get comfortable speaking about normal things like friends do and to share the occasional bit of gossip in a second language! Hope these ideas are helpful to you, whoever you are, and whether you’re learning Italian or any other language, let me know!

​Are you affected by language burnout? What are your techniques to get over it or prevent it from happening?


If you enjoyed this post, you should probably check out my category "The Language" for more Italian tips and tricks and many, many more funny anecdotes about language learning! Some of the blog posts you'll find there include:

The Best Worst Mistakes Made by English-Speakers in Italian

The Struggle of Informal vs. Formal in Italian 

My Biggest Language-Related Pet Peeve: When Locals Switch to English
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and the ever entertaining...Sh*t My English Friends Say in Italian

One of my absolute favourite resources for learning Italian is The Iceberg Project, brainchild of my friend, Cher Hale. The Native Italian Editor and Translator of her site, Carlotta, is an absolute genius and puts together amazing dialogues for learners in slangy, young Italian. She also wrote this article on "How to Date an Italian Man or Woman" (click to be taken to the original article). It was orginally only available in Italian but I've done a super quick translation so both Italian AND English readers can enjoy it! Scroll down past the original Italian to get to the English. 

L’UOMO ITALIANO
Molte delle mie amiche internazionali (inglesi, brasiliane, francesi, ed americane) mi hanno confermato che gli uomini più belli si trovano in Italia! Beh, se siete così fortunate da aver già individuato il vostro obiettivo, oppure SIETE VOI L’OBIETTIVO DI UN UOMO ITALIANO ecco cosa dovrete fare:

1 – PRIMA REGOLA FONDAMENTALE! Fingere disinteresse!
[ L’uomo italiano parte dal presupposto di piacere, SEMPRE E COMUNQUE! Questo ha origine nella venerazione della mamma italiana verso il suo “piccino”….ma per chiarire questo argomento servirebbe un libro intero…..] Fingete di non essere sorprese/i, né interessate/i alle sue attenzioni.

2 – NON OFFRITE IL VOSTRO NUMERO DI TELEFONO (indirizzo, mail, contatto Facebook……) SUBITO [questo vi farà apparire prede fin troppo FACILI, PICCOLE GAZZELLE MALATE, di fronte a SIMBA il re della foresta, e perdereste ben presto di attrattiva ed interesse ai suoi occhi. Il maschio italiano ha sempre bisogno di percepire l’odore della “sfida”] Stesso discorso vale per baci & Co. Prima li concederete, prima verrete scaricate e dimenticate.

3- Il maschio italiano proverà a sfiancarvi con complimenti, promesse (luna, diamanti, unicorni e perfino fedeltà!) non credetegli, non cedete, almeno non subito! Ogni maschio può essere addomesticato e diventare il migliore dei partner ma questo richiede TEMPO. Diventate strateghe/i di voi stessi.

4 – Se tutto procederà per il meglio e sarete riuscite/i a resistere alle lusinghe del vostro “principe bianco, rosso e verde” arriverete al fatidico PRIMO APPUNTAMENTO. Che, se siete fortunate/i potrà essere tra i più magici e bei momenti della vostra vita.


COSE DA NON FARE ASSOLUTAMENTE PRIMA DI UN APPUNTAMENTO:

— Chiedere conferma dell’appuntamento (dimenticate come si scrive, spegnete il telefono, chiedere “are we still on for something…..” farà apparire un enorme cartello luminoso con scritto LOSER sopra la vostra testa) aspettate e vi ritroverete a mangiare spaghetti in stile Lady and The Tramp.

— Ricordate la prima regola? Bene adesso è il momento di mostrarsi più morbide/i; l’uomo italiano sta investendo su di voi e questo è il vostro turno per far capire se siete interessate o no! Giocate le vostre carte migliori ed alla fine dell’appuntamento RIAPPLICARE LA REGOLA 1!!!!

5 – Il segreto per conquistare un uomo italiano è usare il bastone e la carota! Dovete mandarlo in confusione, scuotere i suoi punti fermi, le sue sicurezze; insomma far vacillare le sue certezze. NO COMPLIMENTI, NO SDOLCINATEZZE, NO TENEREZZE E NOMIGNOLI AFFETTUOSI finché non sarete sicure/i di averlo fatto cadere almeno con un piede in trappola.


LA DONNA ITALIANA
Le regole alla base del corteggiamento sono le stesse che vi ho appena elencato per il MASCHIO ITALICO, ma ecco qui per voi un breve elenco di cose/atteggiamenti che vi apriranno le porte del paradiso:

1 – Romanticismo, romanticismo ed ancora romanticismo.
Ma badate bene! Non il solito, trito e ritrito, romanticismo da commedia anni ’80, non vogliamo sentirci dire che i nostri occhi sono stelle, che sembriamo angeli, che siamo le creature più belle dell’intero pianeta; di queste cose il maschio italiano ci ha ormai riempito le orecchie (vedi sopra regola n.3), quindi le chiacchiere stanno a zero! Vogliamo i fatti:

— Veniteci a prendere SEMPRE. Non importa se siete a piedi, in bici, in triciclo, con una ferrari o con un vecchio macinino. Iniziate a prendervi cura di noi fin dal primo momento.

— APRIRE TUTTE LE PORTE, SPORTELLI, FINESTRE, CANCELLI, insomma, vi costerà un po’ di fatica in più ma il risultato sarà garantito.

— Se invitate una donna a cena/pranzo/merenda/caffè/gelato, rompete il salvadanaio e non permettete che la Signora tiri fuori un euro. Siamo donne emancipate e crediamo nella parità dei sessi, ma un appuntamento è pur sempre un appuntamento: NON SI DIVIDE IL CONTO! Gli amici dividono il conto, un uomo che invita una donna ad un appuntamento NO! Noi vi abbiamo fatto dono della nostra presenza per tutto il tempo che avete desiderato, e questo NON HA PREZZO. Per tutto il resto c’è Mastercard, come recita il celebre spot.

— Non raccontateci di tutte le imprese folli e pericolose che avete compiuto negli ultimi anni. Siate voi stessi e siate semplici, non potrete mai sapere da cosa potremmo rimanere folgorate. Magari dal modo con cui mangiate il pane.

— Sorridete e siate rilassati. Non dimenticate che noi donne abbiamo sempre il timore di aver accettato un appuntamento con il serial killer di turno.

2 – UN MESSAGGIO per dire quanto siete stati bene in nostra compagnia è un pensiero che viene decisamente apprezzato. UNO!! NON DIECI!!! Altrimenti penseremo di essere uscite con l’ennesimo stalker…accidenti!
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3 – FIORI! Sì, ci piacciono. Non costano come i diamanti e non fanno ingrassare come i cioccolatini.


ITALIAN MEN
Many of my International friends (English, Brazilian, French, and American) have confirmed that the hottest men are found in Italy. Well, if you’re as lucky as to have already picked out your target, or you yourselves are the target of an Italian man, here’s what you should do:
 
FIRST FUNDAMENTAL RULE: Pretend to be uninterested!
The Italian male immediately assumes he’s God’s gift to the ladies (ok, this is not a direct translation, but I know that’s what Carlotta was getting at!). This has origins in the veneration that the Italian mamme give towards their baby boys…to clarify this topic would take a whole book…Pretend to not be surprised, or interested by his attention.
 
DO NOT OFFER TO GIVE HIM YOUR DIGITS (address, e-mail, Facebook) RIGHT AWAY. This will make you seem too easy like little sick gazelles in front of Simba, the king of the forest, and you’ll lose your attractiveness and his interest pretty quickly. The Italian male must always perceive the scent of a challenge. Same story goes for kissing etc…the sooner you give them, the sooner you’ll be discarded and forgotten.

The Italian male will try to wear you out with compliments, promises (the moon, diamonds, unicorns, and even loyalty!). Don’t believe him and don’t give in, at least not right away. Every male can be domesticated and become the best of partners but this requires TIME. Be your own strategist.

If everything goes well, and you’re able to resist the flattery from your “Prince Charming/Knight in Shining Armour”, you’ll arrive at the decisive FIRST DATE. That, if you’re fortunate, could be one of the most magical and amazing moments of your life.

ABSOLUTELY NEVER DO THE FOLLOWING THINGS BEFORE A DATE:

Ask him for confirmation of the date (just forget how to write it, turn off your telephone…). Asking “are we still on for something…” will make a huge billboard appear over your head with the words LOSER written on it. Wait and you will find yourselves eating spaghetti in the style of Lady and The Tramp.

Remember the first rule? Good, now is the moment to tone it down a bit; the Italian male is investing in you and this is your turn to let him know if you’re interested or not! Play your best cards and at the end of the date, REVERT BACK TO RULE 1!!!

The secret to winning over the Italian man is to use the carrot and the stick theory! You should confuse the hell out of him, shake him up a bit, in summary, make him lose his bearings. NO COMPLIMENTS, NO SAPPINESS, AND NO TERMS OF ENDEARMENT until you are sure you’ve made him fall with at least one foot trapped.


ITALIAN WOMEN
The rules at the base of winning over an Italian woman are the same that I’ve just listed for the Italian man, but here is a brief list of things/behaviours that will open up the doors of paradise:


1- Romanticism, romanticism, and more romanticism.
But make no mistake! Not the usual clichés that have been used to death, romanticism from comedies of the 80s, we don’t want to hear that our eyes are stars, that we seem like angels, that we’re the most beautiful creatures on the entire planet; we’ve already heard these things time and time again from Italian men (see Rule #3 above), hence you can put a stop on sweet nothings. We want the facts:

—ALWAYS come and pick us up. It doesn’t matter if you’re on foot, on a bike, on a tricycle, in a Ferrari or with an old jalopy. Start taking care of us from the first moment.

—OPEN ALL DOORS, WINDOWS, GATES, it’ll take a bit more effort but the result will be guaranteed.

—If you invite a woman for dinner/lunch/snacktime/coffeetime/gelato, break the piggybank and don’t allow the Lady to take out a euro. We are liberated women and we believe in equality between the sexes, but a date is always a date: YOU DON’T GO DUTCH! Friends go Dutch, a man that invites a woman on a date NO! We have gifted you with our presence for all the time that you want, and this is priceless. For all the rest, there’s MasterCard, just like in the famous ad.

—Don’t tell us about all the crazy, dangerous ventures you’ve done in the last few years. Be yourselves and be simple, you never know what could strike us. Maybe just the way you eat bread.

—Smile and be relaxed. Don’t forget that us women always fear having accepted a date with the serial killer on duty.

2 – A MESSAGE to say that you enjoyed our company is thought that is extremely appreciated. ONE!! NOT TEN!! Otherwise we will think that we’ve gone out with the umpteenth stalker…geez!
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3 –FLOWERS! Yes, we like them. They don’t cost as much as diamonds and they don’t make you fat like chocolates. 


About Carlotta of The Iceberg Project:
Carlotta is a native Italian editor and translator. Since she was little, she had a preference for the English language and Anglo/American culture. After acquiring a degree in Economics and living a bit in NYC trying to “live the dream”, she moved back to Florence and has put all of her time and efforts into creating a small clothing brand. While in Florence she divides her time with family, movies, concerts, and social events.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian 
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man 
Asians and Italians…The Perfect Cross-Cultural Cocktail? 

"Apparently, the emancipated Italian woman is not willing to put up with these sorts of expectations any longer.  She is having fewer children, going out to work, and refusing to have her life revolve entirely around the needs, whims, and gastronomic intake of her husband and family.  Indeed, more and more Italian men are marrying foreign, especially Asian, women because, or so the theory goes, Italian women have stopped being the attentive and devoted mammas they once were.  So much so that, according to a friend, one can depend on a married Italian woman for an easy lay!  Quite surprised by this last comment, I began to wonder if Italian men had method to their controlling madness."
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- Tova Piha in an article written for The Florentine entitled "Controlling the Cheating"

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ A WHOLE ARTICLE, THE SHORT ANSWER IS: 

ITALIAN MEN LIKE ALL WOMEN. If you're interested in reading about my experience and the experience of my Asian/Asian-American friends in finding love with an Italian, read on....!

So while I mostly write from a North-American-in-Italy point-of-view, I’ve also discovered a wee niche community that I fit into: North-American born and raised Asian in an “inter-racial” relationship with a white dude from the other side of the pond. It’s like a sub-category of expat that brings its own challenges, as you may have read about in this well-received blog post: Hardship of the Non-White Expat in Italy. I’ve recently become aware of this special perspective I give on my life here and my relationship with an Italian. Over the past two years of writing this blog, every now and then I receive e-mails from fellow Asian-American ladies out there in the world who are dating Italian men and are either writing me for a couple words of advice or just to share their own experience with me. I should say first-off, sorry to specifically set apart Asian-Americans rather than address all Asians but I just can’t speak for Asians in general, I’m presenting all of this as a second-generation, born and raised Chinese-Canadian who speaks Italian and English and (shamefully) not Cantonese or Mandarin.

As I was saying, I’ve been solicited for advice on how to “behave” in a relationship with Italians of the opposite sex. I think this is interesting in itself, it suggests to me that we see Italian and even Italo-American men as this special breed that, for whatever reason, requires special handling. That makes me giggle. Each relationship is unique in itself so I rarely give any specific advice, however I think there is one thing that can be said across the board and that is: let an Italian man be an Italian man (I’m pretty sure in self-help dating and relationship books, the phrase “let a man be a man” is rampant). You can apply this to almost any dilemma you might be having. I’ve had women ask me if they should be the first to make a move on their gorgeous Roman. My answer is no. I’ve had women ask me if they can say “ti amo” first. My answer is…you guessed it…no. Wait for him to say it. Yes, I know this all sounds very traditionalist and old-school or like it’s playing games but you know what, Italians live for the game. The suspense, the passion, the excitment, the let-downs, the last-minute comebacks…and in case you’re lost, this applies to soccer games as well. This is not to say that you let the Italian man hold all the cards. No. Just let him think that he does.

Now, you’re probably shaking your head at me and saying, come on Jasmine, love is not a game, whether it’s cross-cultural dating or not. I would like to emphasize that I’m not telling anyone to play games and I’m not trying to say that love is a game but what I am saying is that if you’re going to be in a relationship with an Italian, you need to approach love like they do- first there’s a slow burn and then the fire will explode and (hopefully) stay that way. That is to say, hold back in the beginning and once you’ve captured his attention, then amp up the feistiness and go heavy on the romance because the latter is certainly still a popular concept in the land of Casanova. The good thing is that you’ll usually know much easier with Italian men than with Americans whether they’re interested and whether they’ve fallen for you, they show it and say it. It’s very obvious. I don’t think there’s an Italian translation for “playing hard-to-get”! Please note, this is in reference to the men, I think the women here know perfectly well how to translate hard-to-get and they use it to their advantage which is why they always come off as so alluring in the first place.

Asian-Americans work well with Italians because we come from similar backgrounds that focus heavily on the two things most important things in life: FOOD and FAMILY. Most nationalities claim to emphasize similar values, but maybe not to the extent of Asians and Italians. We get really intense with this stuff. Twelve course meals are standard to both cultures and so is spending the weekend and at least a few weeknights with your immediate and extended family. When we were living in Canada, we had Sunday dinners with my family and grandparents every Sunday without fail. We now do the same thing here in Italy with his parents, the only difference is it’s now changed to lunchtime and in addition to this, we usually stop by for dinners throughout the work week. For many other people, this is just too much and I can understand that. For me though, this is just normal behavior. We have never quarreled about spending too much time with his parents or with mine whereas I think a lot of couples argue about this.

 I should take this opportunity to cite the controversy that came up recently when an Italian program featured a list of reasons why Eastern European women are more desirable as partners for Italian men. The segment was titled “The Threat Comes From The East: Husband Stealers or Perfect Wives?”.  The list included things like “they forgive betrayal” and “they are always sexy and never wear pajamas at home”. I’m not sure if they were referring to Asian women in this or only Eastern European women, but I can assure you, I wouldn’t forgive cheating (I empathize with Lorena Bobbitt) and I certainly wear pajamas around the house! I think compatibility between Asian-American women and Italian men has absolutely nothing to do with things on this controversial list or assumptions that Asian women are easy to command, in fact, we are the exact opposite but I think that’s what makes us a great sparring partner for a passionate Italian!
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If you enjoyed this post, I think you should check out these as well, if only for some comic relief!
​
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian 
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man 

For slightly deeper reading about inter-racial relationships and dating, I've found this series by Marie Claire extremely interesting: Love and Race

Summary: Modern love can be summed up in one quick status update: It's complicated. In the first of a three-part series, we explore the role race plays in relationships.
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​I’m often approached by friends and friends of friends for advice on travelling to Italy for the first time. I’m certainly not a self-proclaimed expert on my adopted country because, despite being here for two years and having travelled it extensively in the eight years leading up to my move, Italy is extremely diverse. You could spend a month in each single region of Italy (there are twenty in total) and never see or experience it all.

The most important thing to do, even before booking a flight, is to learn the basic geography of Italy. Get a map of the country, sit down with a glass of Chianti, and familiarize yourself with the regions. A lot of people for example, think that Tuscany is a city when instead it is one of the regions whereas cities within the region of Tuscany include Florence and Siena. I have been fortunate as I’ve travelled Italy solo, with Italians (mostly with my musically-gifted husband, see video below), and also with a guided tour. These are all fantastic options. I would recommend planning your travels yourself if you’ve had prior experience travelling throughout Europe and are a highly flexible and resourceful person. Italy is not the most organized country in the world, in fact, it’s rather infamous for lateness, transportation strikes, and general bureaucratic chaos. Even if you plan your days down to the hour, you can be assured that you’ll run into a metropolitan strike in Rome and be forced to find a Plan B to get around for one or two days. Having a general idea of alternative routes will be advantageous for your trip, along with just having a good sense of humor and willingness to live in the moment!

Once you’ve picked the regions you want to check out, the next step is to choose the cities or towns to see. I’m personally not a fan of doing the whirlwind Italy trip, trying to hit every famous city in one vacation. Some people may justify doing this with the excuse that it’s a “once-in’-a-lifetime”, but trust me…you’ll be back! I generally advise people to stick to two regions for a two-week trip, in this way, you can really get the true experience and immerse yourself in the regional culture. If you’re not sure what I mean by this it’s that each region has its own cuisine, dialect, and traditions that are very diverse. The dialects are so different in fact, that someone speaking pure bergamasco (the dialect of the province of Bergamo) may not be understood by someone speaking napoletano (you can guess where they speak this!). My absolute favorite regions are Tuscany and Campania. Tuscany for its postcard-perfect rolling hills and vineyards and that Tuscan light that gilds the landscapes at sunset, Campania for the stunning coastline (this is where you will find the famed Amalfi Coast), cliffs, lemon groves, and colorful towns that seem as if they are going to fall into the sea. Don’t let me sway your decision though, it all depends on  what you enjoy seeing. Art history buffs will want to gravitate toward Florence, history fanatics towards Rome or Pompeii, and fashion lovers to Milan, so to each their own!"

Transportation-wise, planes, trains and buses are all valid options for getting from Point A to Point B. Again, I wouldn’t recommend renting a car for a first-timer unless you’re an extremely confident driver, able to drive manual, and have driven in Southern Europe, Latin America, or Asia before. Despite what you might hear, Italians are excellent drivers but it’s because they are so adept that they do a lot of things that might make you have a heart attack including driving fast, tail-gating or surpassing you, and parking anywhere and everywhere. Parking is probably the biggest deterrent to using a car to get around Italy, especially in the touristic centers, it’s hard to come by without paying and pay-parking is normally active during workdays (that includes Saturdays in Italy). As well, hotel prices don’t usually include parking and I’ve seen hotels ask for upwards of 20 Euros a day just to leave your car in their lot overnight. Instead, trains and buses are my preferred modes of transportation. Trains will take you right into the heart of the cities as for the most part, the stations are centrally-situated. Buses are optimal for shorter distances or in situations where a train can’t run, an example of this might be going from town to town along the Amalfi Coast. Flights tend to be more convenient for traversing from north to south, or for heading to any of the Italian islands like Sardinia or Sicily, especially if you’re not a fan of travelling by water. Keep in mind that airports, for obvious reasons, lose the convenience part of arriving right into the cities so you’ll normally have to transfer via bus or train or taxi anyways to get to your hotel.

​All these choices sound daunting I know, but you can always check out an online resource such as  where one search allows you to find and book the best travel options by train, bus and flight! ​