When I was imagining this blog even before it had a name, I knew it had to have this motto: for those who dream and those who dare to live the dream. And that is just it, Italy is for dreamers. Many people who have made the move here once upon a time have since moved back to their hometowns or to cities easier to pronounce. A country that is often romanticized in film and books is often subject to criticism from Italians and expats alike, all complaining that la dolce vita, the so-called sweet life, is an illusion, that the Rome of Kylie Flavell’s latest offering is non-existent. I have to disagree.

For me, life is still, and always will be, it's most cinematic in Italy. There are so many little moments in a day that make me stop and stare and just BE. There are moments that fill you up with awe, wonder, glory, and calm. It is in the effervescent bubbles in a glass of prosecco raised up to friends, cherries picked up from a corner fruttivendolo in Sicily still warm from the sun, a toothy and all-too-confident grin from a fishmonger, a sunset in Tuscany as you settle into a dinner that you already know is going to be the best meal of your life (at least for this week),  ducking into  gastronomia after gastronomia in a random town, on a desperate arancini search, lingering to stay in somone’s company by ordering one too many digestivi and teetering home on cobblestone in heels and praying that you don’t ruin this pair as well but then saying to hell with it because è da tanto tempo che non sei più andata a trovare la tua calzolaia preferita (it's been awhile since the last time you paid a visit to your favorite shoemaker) …This is where the sweet life exists. In my opinon, if you’re unable to be present in these moments, to capture them, that’s when you become a non-believer. Many Italians as well, can’t appreciate these little things anymore because of the constant push to be like America and be all about the push- the push for more. But I think, the dolce vita is just the exact opposite, Not so much the push, but the pull to enjoy every minute and find the beauty all around us.

And Italy, well, she pulls in so many different directions. 

Italy is for dreamers and for romantics like Kylie and I. Do you agree with us? Does the dolce vita still exist? Watch the video and let me know. 

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at the Category Inspiration and Motivation or at posts such as these and get inspired by love and love for Italy!:

On Airports and Love
​Yes, Some of Us Need Italy. 
​International Love Stories: A Tall, Dark, and Handsome Spaniard
At Least You're in Italy! 
 
International Love Stories 

“Avrei detto qualche parte dell’Asia” (I would have said some part of Asia). Followed by a suspicious look. What is this the response to, you ask? This is what 95% of Italians that I meet say after I tell them I’m from Canada. It’s started getting to the point where I have to suppress my disbelief and the uncontrollable urge to buy these people a plane ticket.  I know it’s a privilege to grow up in Canada and never have to hear this said to my face but it’s hard to see firsthand how culturally under-privileged other people can be in regards to countries that are not their own. I’m curious as to what people think “Canadians” or “Americans” are.  I’m sure the answer you’d get by asking around looks less like Obama or Russell Peters and more like the Donald, and Native American is probably not even an afterthought, nevertheless the first thing that should come to mind. These are the same people who react the exact same way when Mario Balotelli, raised in Brescia, says that he’s Italian. People give him the raised eyebrow despite the fact that (Balotelli was born in Palermo), while 6 out of 10 Italians said that SPEAKING the language  is what makes you Italian. Interesting right? So despite my brother and I being my family’s fourth generation living in Canada and the second to be born in Canada and despite speaking one of the official languages of Canada, it’s not enough to be identified as Canadian abroad. And it’s not that I’m not proud of my family’s Chinese background, far from it, but personally, I identify more as Canadian than Chinese. I know this after travelling to China and feeling completely out of place, linguistically and culturally. This is a bit of a whine and as I’ve said before, I’m fully aware that Italians are stereotyped across the pond as well (I’m sorry for that) and it all comes down to that terrible thing called ignorance but here’s what really confuses me- even if you’ve never travelled, even if you’ve never picked up a book, you have surely watched a movie and you surely have Netflix (let’s be honest). When you watch a movie or a TV series, let’s take 13 Reasons Why as a current example…this series takes place in the US, at a high school, and there are non-white students. There’s Tony, Jessica, Marcus, and Zach, the latter is played by actor Ross Butler who is Chinese/Malaysian/Dutch by the way! So do people around the world watching these American TV shows just think that all these students are immigrants and not American?  And if you accept these characters are normal American teenagers, how can you explain your response to when I tell you I’m Canadian? That’s the head-scratcher.
​
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Annoying Things Non-Canadians Say About Canada 
​Two Sides of the Italy Coin 
​Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)

Hey guys! So in case you don't follow me on Instagram or Facebook (links above if you just click on the icons under the blog title!), I'm doing the LANGUAGE DIARY CHALLENGE by Katie, the creator of the Joy of Languages blog.  The idea is to post something every day in the language that you are learning, so of course I'm posting in Italian. You can check out the other videos I've done on the This is Part 2 of two videos that I did on the topic of La Figuraccia. 

Figuraccia, in Italian, means "bad impression" and so is used when you make a fool of yourself in a situation like when you mess up words in a second language. In this video, I share the last three examples of times that my English-speaking friends and I have said ridiculous things in Italian. 

Anyways, let me know in comments (here or on Facebook) what you've said by mistake that ended up being hilarious...! It doesn't have to be an Italian example either, I'd love to hear similar stories with other languages! And I apologize in advance for swearing in Italian, but it was necessary to make this video! 

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
​
Sh*t My English Friends Say in Italian

Sh*t my Italian Friends Say

​Sh*t My Italian Friends Say- Part 2

I can’t claim to be an expert expat by any means, there are many more eternal expats who have moved from country to country over entire lifetimes. However, thanks to this blog I HAVE had the privilege of talking to these types of expats as well as new and potential expats moving to Italy.  Over the past few years, I’ve formulated a bit of a theory as to how to determine whether you will be happy in your adopted country. Maybe I’ll be more specific and say Italy. Answer these questions to see if you’ll be a happy expat in Italy. These questions have to be answered after having already moved to and been here for at least a year. All you have to do is answer YES or NO to the following questions:

1. Do you speak enough Italian to open a bank account by yourself, sign up for a loyalty card, go to the doctor, talk your way out of a speeding ticket, hold dinner conversation with your Italian colleagues with ease?  

(Note: I didn’t say with perfect grammar and vocabulary, but would you be able to work your way through these situations? FYI: These situations would normally fall under B1/B2 level. Just to give you an idea, to keep a work permit in Italy through the EU Blue Card program, you have to demonstrate A1 proficiency which is just beginner Italian)

2. Do you participate in a community-based activity?  

(Examples might be school-related if you have children, but also attendance at church, a group exercise activity, etc..)

3. Do you have a bar/restaurant/place that is “your place”? (When you enter, the barista knows your drink or at least your name)  

4. Are you able to continue all the hobbies you had in your own country or, if not, have you added new hobbies to your repertoire?  

5. Same question as above, but with regards to physical activity (unless you didn’t do anything particular back home anyways!)  

6. Do you have friends in your city who speak your native language?  

7. Do you have friends who only speak Italian?

8. Do you feel like you have a purpose in your day-to-day  life that also “fills up” your day?

(Note: this is not necessarily about having a job, if your purpose that “fills up” your day is honing your yoga practice and meal prepping, fantastic!)

9. Related to #1, but do you feel confident in carrying out ADL (activities of daily living) independently?

10. Proportionally do you love Italy, Italian culture and/or Italian language more than you hate it?  
(Note: I know that it’s a love/hate relationship at the best of times, hence “proportionally-speaking”)

11. If you’re in a relationship with an Italian person, did you come to Italy willingly?  

12. If you’re in a relationship with an Italian person, are you happy in your relationship?  

If you answered NO to any of those questions, you may not be the happiest expat, am I right? I formulated the questions based on experience and people that I know that are either happy or unhappy in Italy. A lot of people who are unhappy have a lot of things in common, they typically might answer NO to one or more of the questions above whereas the happy people would likely answer YES to all of the questions. It’s not exactly rocket-science either, basically you just need to evaluate whether you feel like “you” in your new country. Yes, the surroundings are different and the language that you have to do everything in is different, but are you still the person that you were back “home”? Because I bet back home you had friends, you had hobbies, you exercised, you felt part of the community, you had a job or a purpose, good relationships, you were comfortable doing normal day-to-day tasks, and maybe most importantly, you did all of this independently! That’s essentially what the questions are focused on and it seems logical right?

That being said, you have no idea how many e-mails or messages I get from frustrated expats and normally the problems start right at question one…unfortunately, like it or not, if you live in a country and don’t speak the language, at some point in your journey, it will start to become a huge burden because it limits your independence and therefore sense of self and self-confidence. It’s fun to go around every now and then and have someone do everything for you. It’s even fun in the beginning maybe to get flustered and stumble through situations as you get your bearings. But it’s not fun to have to have to wait to do something based on another person’s schedule because of a language barrier or to have limitations on what you can accomplish alone. This is when things become una rottura di palle for all parties involved. Sometimes resentment even starts to creep into the situation because after awhile, no adult wants to have another grown adult be completely dependent on them. Someone starts to feel like a parent in this situation and that's certainly a good way to kill the romance that Italy so easily provides. So as you may have guessed, language is still my number one piece of advice to potential or struggling expats since it has a domino effect on all the other aspects such as getting involved in your community, pursuing hobbies or exercise (maybe you feel intimated to enroll in group courses because of the language barrier, for example), and forming meaningful relationships with your local bar or restaurant or with colleagues.
​
Is there anything that you think I missed, other factors that are important or maybe you disagree with some? Let me know, as always, in the comments or via the  ​

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Language Burnout
The Gift of Language: Italian and Beyond
The Neverending Story of Learning Italian
Living in Italy, Speaking in English 
Parli Italiano? 
How to Keep Learning Italian in Italy

​Today I cried. I’ve just come back from the Ufficio Immigrazione at the Questura di Bergamo and it was awful. Horrendous.  The backstory on this, as some of you may know, is that I’m currently here on a Blue Card, a special type of work permit. But since I got married in September to an Italian citizen, I need to convert this to a different permit, one for family that will be valid for five years without the need to renew. About a month ago I had already gone to the Questura, stood in line 2 hours, and obtained a list of documents that I would need to hand-in along with the new application. Important note here: at that time, I was also give an appointment to come and hand everything in , however the date was in June. I told the officer that I would be away in Canada in June on vacation for the entire month. He told me that it wasn’t a problem and that I could come and hand-in my documents in May before leaving. Ok, so fast forward to today. It’s May. On the suggestion of the officer, I show up, stand my usual 2 hours in line while people push and shove and jump in front of me. And yes, I do try to tell them, but usually they are men and maybe from a country where women have no right to tell men what to do, who knows, but they don’t listen to me. This already makes me want to cry and punch someone. Finally, I get to the front of the line, explain the situation and hand-in my documents and the officer, (a different one) working today decided to not accept them. “You have to come back in June” he tells me. I explain to him that I will be in Canada in June and that his colleague said it would be fine for me to come beforehand. “No, you can come when you come back then.” is his terse response. He doesn’t care that I just stood in line two hours, that I had to take the morning off work, that I will have to take another morning off work to come again…I tried to be a bit more Italian at this point and tell a white lie. I tell him that without this permesso, I won’t be able to come back to work immediately and that I have a job that I need to return to the day after I return from Canada. “Non mi importa” is his response. He doesn’t care that I’m trying to follow the rules and I need this permesso to continue working (this is the white lie because my current permit doesn’t expire until July but I just wanted to test him). So essentially, you have so many Italians complaining about all these immigrants who don’t work and I’m trying to explain to the immigration officer that I need him to process this permesso so that I can WORK and he refuses to move an inch. Tell me, what difference do you think it makes to him to accept my paperwork now or accept it in a month and half from now? Absolutely nothing. The only difference is that for a nano-second, he was able to get off a bit with his “power” by saying no to me. Tutto qui. So today I cried out of frustration and I said things that I hate to say like “THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN CANADA.” And I know, maybe I'm too "permalosa", I'm too easily affected and need to toughen up my skin but unfortunately and fortunately, I was raised in Canada and I'm not use to this kind of inefficiency and roadblocks created for absolutely no reason other than to bust your balls. And so I vented and I'm having a moment of hating Italy. But I know it’s temporary and that I can control my reaction to these types of things. I’ll be better after some wine. 

One thing that has often crossed my mind as I drive past high school students lingering outside in the mornings, vaping,  and looking like they’ve just stepped out of a Justin  Bieber ft. Fedez video, is whether they have the opportunity to any diversity in friendships and dating. Diversity, I define, on both a racial/cultural AND individualistic pretense. Let’s talk the race thing first, starting with friends.

While Italy is definitely becoming increasingly more diverse, I still find it hard to glimpse groups of young people that are “mixed”, maybe there’s a token Asian girl in a clique and the same goes for an African but you don’t see the proportions that are so typical of Canada. I remember growing up, my group consisted of me (Chinese-Canadian) and a handful of BFFs that were East-Indian, French, African, Korean, Japanese, Italian…and the list goes on of course.  Most of us were first, second, or third generations of our families to be born and raised in Canada so you could say that we shared a base culture and social awareness, BUT I also grew up eating amazing homemade butter chicken at one friend’s house and Korean jap chae at another’s. You could ask any born-and-bred Canadian where the best “pho” is and the next second you’d be taking notes on where to find a dozen hole-in-the-wall places around the city. Many Italians, even young and self-proclaimed “worldly” ones, would probably look at you with a furrowed brow accompanied by that guttural “ehhhhh???” sound.
​
This then propagates to the dating world. If you don’t live in a big metropolitan city like Milan or Florence where there are hoards of foreign exchange students, your access to other cultures, romantically-speaking, is also quite limited. Besides a one-night stand or a summer-fling with a blonde, blue-eyed Swede studying "Italian" or doing ERASMUS, there’s not a whole lot of “availability”. Do Italians never go through phases of being obsessed with different races, even if purely on a physical level? I remember when everyone was in love with halfers in high school (even the term “halfers” itself is widely used back home to typically refer to someone half-Asian and half-“white” but then, you probably knew that if yee who is reading this is North American). Then maybe you might also relate to when there was a phase where Latin Americans were glorified thanks to the teenage soap obsession, Passions… I mean who could forget Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald?!  If you’re not exposed to different cultures, do you not have any curiosity towards them? I suppose I’m just wondering out loud whether the fact that having a proportionally low “supply” of non-ethic Italians corresponds in a parallel manner to the “demand”, contrary to free market trends. Is it also looked down upon socially (here I have in mind the proverb  “moglie e buoi dei paesi tuoi” that basically means you’re advised to only hook up with your fellow countrymen or women, ie: no mixing and no halfer babies!)?

​I don’t know the answers to these questions, I would love if you’d leave your two cents though on this because sometimes I feel a bit sad for Italians, the fact that maybe they are “missing out” on both romantic connections and friendships during adolescence. However, I know that things are changing and in the future, this may no longer be an applicable discussion. But just thinking about it, I’m not only grateful for my multi-cultural friendships, but also for my multi-cultural dating history which includes a few halfers, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Russian, a Dane, and strangely enough, not a single Chinese-Canadian much to my mother’s dismay. It’s really so FORMATIVE to be exposed to these opportunities.

I’m running out of breath here but I also wanted to comment on how the school system separates young people based on aptitude and future plans. High schools are divided into specialties such as Sciences, Classics, Linguistics, and Fine Arts, to name a few. Essentially this means that you spend your formative years with classmates and potential future boyfriends/girlfriends that are “similar” to you in the sense- they have similar aptitudes, similar ambitions, similar interests. There’s no such thing as the jock hooking up with a band geek here because they would be PHYSICALLY separated in different high schools in Italy. I find that extremely bizarre and for this reason, prefer the mixed nature of North American high schools. That’s not to say that instruction is better in either one but again, I just love the idea of being exposed to different types of people, different types of personalities. What if you were a super nerd and took all AP courses but had a secret love for brooding bass players?? You wouldn’t have a chance in Italy. You’d have to hope to meet this person after high school as an adult which is equally hard because you’d already go straight into studying whatever profession you wanted to pursue in university. There’s no “General Science or Arts” degrees, you specialize straight away, so again, your immediate social scene and romantic pool is quite miniscule. It’s more like a puddle than a pool. Anyways, this is just what I’ve observed as a “bystander” and by pestering my husband with questions, I’m not in high school and I didn’t grow up here so I’d love to hear some comments or feedback from anyone with more insight! 

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian 
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man 
Asians and Italians…The Perfect Cross-Cultural Cocktail? 
How to Date an Italian Man or Woman (From The Iceberg Project)
​